


Held

by sariloire



Series: Ashae Lavellan (non-canon AUs) [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Smut, angsty smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:33:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5337620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sariloire/pseuds/sariloire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before leaving to fight Corypheus, Ashae goes to talk to Solas one last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Held

She walked into the rotunda, without really realizing she was doing it. Ashae’s feet took her where they wanted to, tracing the familiar steps she used to take so many times a day before the events at Crestwood had taken place. But that had been months ago, and she shouldn’t be walking this path.

Ashae knew why she wanted to visit the rotunda one last time. It was the night before they left to fight Corypheus. It was her last chance to say a farewell to Solas, in case something happened during the fight and she, or he, didn’t make it through.

The rotunda was dark, the floors above empty. Most people were in the tavern for one last round of drinks. But there was a familiar figure standing by his desk, looking over his shoulder at the soft sounds her feet had made when she entered the rotunda.

“Good evening, Solas.” Ashae spoke quietly, aware of the echo that the emptiness of the rotunda would bring.

He turned from his place at the desk, facing her, his expression guarded in the dim light. “Good evening, Inquisitor.”

“I feared you might be asleep already, since tomorrow is to be an early morning.” Ashae clasped her hands behind her back, her heart aching at the formal tone of their conversation. “Are you having trouble sleeping as well?”

Solas turned his gaze to the floor for a moment, before looking back above her shoulder. “Yes, the events that are likely to take place tomorrow are making it difficult to relax enough to rest.”

A short silence stretched between them before he met her gaze again. “Was there something you needed, Inquisi-”

“Please, Solas.” Her words cut off the title as it left his lips. She hated the catch in her voice, but pushed on before her good sense stopped her. “Please, just for tonight, just for right now, don’t make me be ‘the Inquisitor’.” His eyebrows contracted slightly, his mask slipping for a moment, showing her the sadness that lay in his eyes. “Don’t make me stand here and listen to you talk to me as if I’m someone you’ve just met.” She stepped forward, and Solas took a step back, bumping into his desk. “Please don’t ask me to speak to you as if I’ve never been in your arms.”

“Ashae,” It was the first time he had spoken her name since Crestwood. His voice broke slightly, he swallowed before continuing. “I can’t-”

“I’m not asking you for anything, Solas.” She stood her ground, not willing to move forward again if he was just going to back away from her. “But I cannot leave this castle tomorrow morning and go face what might be the end of us all.”

Ashae looked up, hating herself for the tears she felt burning behind her eyes as she faced Solas, a few steps worth of distance between them that seemed endless. “Not without telling you this, one last time.”

Solas didn’t reply, his eyes on hers, his face lined with regret. His hands clutched the edges of the desk he was standing before.

“Ar lath ma, ma sa’lath.” The words were a whisper, ones she knew she should keep to herself, hidden away in her heart. Ones she knew would only hurt them both. But it was the only thing she had wanted to say for weeks now, and she was not willing for Solas or herself to die without him knowing how she still felt.

His face fell, his expression the same as it had been at Crestwood, when he had left her standing by the water to make her way back to Skyhold alone. But this time he didn’t push her away, instead he reached out a hand, and when she took it, he pulled her close, bending his head to bury his face in her neck.

“Ir abelas, vhenan.” Solas’ whisper was barely audible as he repeated it over and over, Ashae felt the wetness of his tears on her neck as she stood with one hand tracing his scalp and the other pressed against his back, holding him close. “Ir abelas. Ir abelas.”

Ashae waited until his words trailed off before pulling back slightly, moving a hand under Solas’ chin, so she could gently nudge him to look into her eyes. “I love you, Solas.” The words sounded strange, being uttered in the common tongue. But she wanted him to listen. “And I always will. And when the day comes that you don’t have this burden of… whatever is on you, I will be here.” She touched her forehead to his, closing her eyes. “Just promise me that you won’t give up on us, ma sa’lath.”

“Ar lath ma.” She felt his breath on her lips before he shifted to press his mouth to hers. The kiss was slow and hesitant, as if Solas was ready to pull away at any sign that he should. But when he finally broke the kiss for air, Ashae pulled him back in on her terms, her kiss was one of urgency and of finality. Her tongue pressing against his lips, which he opened readily, accepting her into his mouth as his hand moved to her hair as it always had.

The kiss was followed by another and another, Ashae shifting until she was standing with one of his legs between hers. And when she pushed against him slightly, he sat back onto the desk, pulling her against him, his leg finding its place between her thighs. She grinded against it slightly, breaking her mouth from his in order to press her lips to his neck, sucking hard at the skin on his neck as a noise of pleasure escaped his throat at the sensation.

After a moment, Solas pulled her onto the desk, her knees on either side of his legs, straddling his lap where he sat. One hand was again tangled in her hair, pushing their mouths together as his tongue traced her familiar crevices. The other was working at her shirt, unfastening the claps one by one. Ashae waited until he was done, her shirt and breastband thrown haphazardly onto the nearby chair, before reaching and removing Solas’ belt and shirts in a few quick movements.

He turned over on the desk, moving Ashae under him and scattering all of his possessions onto the floor with a sweeping movement of his leg. He pressed a kiss to her throat as a hand kneaded one of her breasts, his thigh moving between her legs and drawing a small groan from Ashae in the process. She reached and unfastened his pants, pushing them down with her hands and then with a foot, until Solas kicked them the rest of the way off and removed hers immediately afterward.

There was none of the usual slow build-up, where they took their time exploring each other’s bodies and teasing tongues and hands. They both knew what this was, one last time they could hold each other before everything ended. One last night they would be joined as one.

Ashae pulled Solas down to meet her, his body flush upon hers as he entered her without preamble. She felt the familiar fullness that had been missing for several long months, and her legs wrapped around his hips, drawing him in further as they moved together. Her arms were around his shoulders, her hands pressing against his back, wanting nothing more than for him to be as close as possible.

Solas’ face was pressed into her neck again, uttering both intimacies and apologies as he thrust into her, the hardness of the desk pushing against her back with every drive. Ashae moved a hand up to his face, wanting to watch his expression as he moved against her. But when he turned his face upward with the coaxing of her hand, she saw tears in his eyes.

Her own body stilled at the sight of anguish on Solas’ face. Afraid she had pressured him into something he didn’t want, she moved her legs to let him free. But he shook his head, reaching to pull them back around himself as he pressed his lips to her ear. “No, vhenan. Let us have this last night.”

Their movements slowed from seeking pleasure to drawing out every moment that their bodies touched.  After a time, Solas moved them to the couch near the wall, where they lay intertwined, sweaty, and clinging to each other with the knowledge that when they let go, it would be for good.

* * *

When Solas woke alone the next morning, covered with a blanket, it was to a heavy heart that thudded painfully in his chest as he worked his way into his clothing that Ashae had left folded on the couch next to him. He knew he should feel regret for what had happened the previous night, and that he should consider it a mistake, but instead he remembered the warmth of her arms and the way she had held him throughout the night.

He knew he would need the memories of that warmth in the coming days. Even if he hated himself for it.


End file.
